The Extent of my Love

(Church message delivered last 7 November 2010 at Jesus Christ our Hope and Redeemer Church, four days after Rita accepted the love I offered to her)

The love of a husband—a reflection of Christ’s love (Ephesians 5:22–33)

Introduction

Last Wednesday, November 3, is one of the happiest days of my life. On that night, the woman I have loved and pursued, Rita, accepted the love I so ardently offered, and gave me her own heart to hold and cherish and guard. It was a glorious night, full of joy and love. And yet if I am to truly walk in the way of the Lord, this love that was given to me has certain responsibilities attached to it. But if my love be true and pleasing before the Lord, then these “responsibilites” are not so much hinderances or duties, but true manifestations and expressions of love, as first expressed by the Author of love Himself, our Lord God.

The charge to lead

Turn with me to Ephesians 5:22–24, one of the most controversial passages in the Bible today. Here, wives are called to submit to their husbands just as the church submits to Christ. Why? Because as Paul pointed out, husbands are to be the head of the wife just as Christ is head of the church, which is His body. There cannot be two heads in a family. Otherwise, the family will be torn apart.

But the head cannot make a decision without input from the body. And the head cannot decide only for itself, apart from the body. Whatever happens to the body happens to the head, and if the head were to be the sole center of decision-making, then the head is responsible for whatever happens to the body. The head enjoys all the good that happens to the body, and suffers with the body all calamities that come to it. Thus, as this passage calls wives to submit to their husbands as an act of obedience to Christ, so also does this passage calls husbands to step up and be the leaders that God called them to be. If wives are to follow their husbands, is it not only expected that husbands should be followable? Is it not only right that husbands should be respectable, decisive, and able to look after the well-being, fulfillment and overall holiness of his wife and children? If the wife is called on to trust the husband to make decisions for her and her family, then the husband is called to be worthy of that trust.

But is this whole submission issue just a matter of duty and responsibility? I remember one lady speaker at a forum who presented a Christian feminist view of the story of Mary and Martha. When she was asked, “Don’t you, as a woman with feminist beliefs, find it hard to submit to your husband?” She answered, “I have seen my husband stand by me when I was at my worst. He took on all my arguings, my whining, and my unreasonableness, and still he stood by me. On top of this, he said that he loved me so much he would take a cannonball for me, and I know he would. Because of such great love, I cannot help but submit to him. I think any sane woman would gladly submit to a man like that.” And a man like that is a man who striving to be like Christ.

The call to be like Christ

If the wife is called to submit to the husband as an act of obedience to Christ, the husband is called to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. And how did Christ love the Church? He gave Himself up for her, the greatest expression of which is the Cross. Christ died for the Church so that she may be cleansed of her sin, cleansed of her shame, and made holy to enable her to be with her Bridegroom. He gave her His Word that she may be able to follow Him. He came to earth and spent His life that she may become the people He inteded her to be.

In the same way, husbands should love their wives so much that he would lay down his life for her. To the extreme, he is to die in her place should it come to that. If not, then he is to live his life devoted to his wife’s good. He should be the spiritual leader, making sure that she is growing in knowledge and relationship with the Lord. He should be able to teach her the Truth that would make her more and more into the image of Christ. He should strive to make her more pure, more righteous, more holy. And, possibly more painfully, he should nurture her to the point that she loves Christ more than she loves him. The husband should seek to lovingly correct his wife of her faults, so that none may find fault with her, and praise her for her good traits. But to do all this, the husband may be called upon to give up his ambitions, his dreams, his aspirations, even his lifestyle, so as to better care for his wife and make her happy.

The call to provide and nurture

Christ, as Head, cares for His Body, the Church. He feeds her with His Word and His riches. He provides for her every need, as we have seen in our church here. He gives her guidance as to what He wants her to do, that she may reach her full potential and be a glorious reflection of Christ here on earth, to be a channel of His love to the lost.

In the same way, the husband should care for the needs and desires of his wife, as if he were caring for himself. He should see to her every need—physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual. He should support her in her pursuit of her dreams, that she may feel fulfilled as a person and as a child of God. When he does all these, she will be a gloriously beautiful reflection of himself, and moreso of God. In a profound way, this fulfills Genesis 2:24, for the condition of the wife and the family is a reflection of the character of the husband, just as the condition of the Church is a reflection of the Christ who saved her and brought her to Himself.

A living parable

You may be wondering why I speak of husbands and wives when I am just a boyfriend. It is because to me, a boyfriend is a husband in training, just as a girlfriend is a wife in training. For what is the point of being a boyfriend and having a girlfriend if I do not have marriage in mind for her? To think anything less is to make a mockery, a plaything, out of one of the most beautiful gifts given by God to us humans: romantic love. The courtship stage is a period where Rita and I explore the possibility of being married to one another, and thus we strive to know each other ever so deeply whenever we are together. We seek to build a deep friendship that would be the foundation of our love, so that when the fires of passion have cooled, we would still want to be with each other because we are the closest of friends. And above all, we seek to know God more deeply, for He is the author and perfecter not only of our faith, but also of our relationship that would glorify His name before all the world.

I speak of this in the Spirit of God because I follow Christ. And if I were to love this wonderful daughter of the Father, then I must seek to become more like His Son Jesus. He has set for me the standard of Ephesians 5:22-33, and by His grace I will be up to that standard. And thus far, God has given me a love for her of such passion and intensity that I would be eternally grateful for the privilege of laying down my life to see that she be happy, fulfilled and well cared for. This relationship that God has given to us would be a reflection of God’s love to us and of our love for Him, and of how He loves each and every one of us.

Challenge

Brothers and sisters, especially brothers, God calls us to become more like His Son, Jesus Christ, especially in our relationships with our wives and girlfreinds, as the case may be. Sisters, God calls you not to blind and mindless obedience, but to supportive and loving submission to your husbands and boyfriends—as the case may be—as your act of obedience to the Lord. To those of you who are waiting and looking for that significant other to be given to you, look to Jesus and how He loves you. May His love for the church be the standard by which we love one another, not just as romantic partners, but as brothers and sisters in the Body of Christ.

I Love It When A Plan Comes Together

12 June 2010, possibly the happiest day in my recent history. On the surface, it’s just a day when three friends did some gaming and watched a movie, but for me it was far more. This is the day when my two best friends from high school, Robert and Bryan, and I had a nostalgia trip unlike any other that went before it. Possibly, we might not have anything like this ever again this side of eternity.

The day started out normally enough. The plan was Robert, Bryan and I will play a round of Dungeons and Dragons-ish role-playing gaming. (I say Dungeons and Dragons-ish because we were using Bryan’s home-brewed rules system that borrowed from old school D&D, the Microlite system and other things that he got from other systems or came up with on his own. But the genre is still medieval fantasy.) then later watch the A-Team movie. I drove with Bryan to Robert’s place where we played the game and had a blast. We were later joined by Dennis, another of my good friends from high school. We were playing a combination of silly and serious, a series of fumbles and failed dice rolls and some minor successes which lead to a good gaming session. But we had to cut it short because it was getting late in the afternoon and we still had the plan of watching the A-Team movie to execute. Dennis had to leave at this point.

We packed up or stuff, still talking about the events that transpired in our collective imaginations through the role-playing game that we played. Then we went to one of the nearby malls where Robert did some grocery shopping first before we all proceeded to the theater. Inside, we were rather disappointed that it looked like we were the only ones watching the A-Team! But, no matter. We were packed with our burgers and fries and drinks. We had left behind for a little while whatever was troubling us. We were ready to be taken back to what we enjoyed more than twenty years ago. We were ready for The A-Team!

Boy, we were floored!

Perhaps it was God who arranged that it would only be us and a few other people in the theater because we were really laughing so hard at the movie it would have annoyed those around us. I know I was laughing hard! And it’s not laughing at the movie in the sense that it was so badly made that one couldn’t help but laugh at it, despite the fact that the makers of the movie did not intend it to be funny. Not at all! It was entertaining! It was funny in all the right places and serious in all the right places, faithful to feel and the spirit of the A-Team TV series that we grew up with in the 1980s. This modernized version is a true homage to John “Hannibal” Smith, Templeton “The Face” Peck, Bosco “B.A.” Barracus and “Howling Mad” Murdock. They got the characters right. They got the team spirit feel right, a far cry from what the revival of “Mission Impossible” became. They got the humor right. They got the overall feel right. And the suspension of disbelief is just right. A realistic film this ain’t, but that’s the way we like it! (I mean come on, if I wanted realistic action, I’d watch the news!) If the producers and the director of this film made any upgrades or improvements, they made all the right ones without taking anything from what made the original series still resonate with people of my generation even after two decades. Let’s see any present-day telenovela or TV series pull off that stunt! Even after the movie is done and we were driving home, we were still talking about it!

That is when Bryan noticed it: we were re-living our high school days! During those more carefree days, we would role-play in the afternoon, and then watch TV shows like the A-Team in the evenings . . . and then copy the day’s assignments from more studious classmates before the bell rings for the first class. (Yes, we were not model students back then, but we did manage to graduate from high school and college, though with some wear and tear. But that’s another story.) The evening just turned into something truly memorable for us, especially for me. When we dropped Bryan off, he called to us, “Oy, may assignment pa tayo bukas!” to which I answered, “Kopyahin na lang bukas!” We laughed at that.

I just re-lived the past. I had just gone to a place where I could touch one point in time where I was truly happy. My then 14- to 15-year-old self may not know it yet, but it may be that is as good as it gets. It is being happy in an unadulterated way. It is true, though, that there were times when I felt happier, like those times that I fell in love with someone really special. But those episodes of happiness always had a mixture of sadness to them, a taint of ill feelings, a shadow of tragedy that ruins the ecstasy that could have been enjoyed. I so long for such carefree joys again, and God was gracious to let me have this one day with two of the best buddies a man could have. But one can only live in the past for so long. Though I could have days like this, in varied degrees of remembrance and joy, I know they will not last. Even now, as my energy level drops to dangerously low levels, I realize that those days are gone. Though I can recreate them, I cannot enjoy those days as I used to, for I am no longer the same person I was who once enjoyed such things. And there are some things that simply cannot be recreated.

But those days can be remembered. And so long as those days are remembered, and remembered fondly, those days are not truly dead. At this point in my life where I have nothing to look forward to and thus am tempted constantly to despair, God, in allowing me this remembrance and recreation, shows me that it is possible to be that happy. At this time where I see that my future holds little promise this side of eternity—and I do so long for eternity with my Lord—God has let me touch base with my happy past, perhaps showing me that there is potential for happiness in the future.

Happy past and uncertain future merged this night in the present, and I am glad. God made His encouragement clear through Hannibal Smith when he said something like (I’m not sure of the exact words.) “When there seems to be no plan, trust that there is a plan at work.” From what little I know of God, I am certain that with regards to my life as well as the history of the world and the cosmos, He will one day say, “I love it when a plan comes together.”

Something for J

Okay, more Tears for Fears stuff. But this is different. When I heard them sing "Pale Shelter," it reminded me of someone who once meant something to me. It's been some time since we parted ways, but I think of J every now and then. I guess "Pale Shelter" sums up how it was for me when we were still friends. Maybe it was more "Memories Fade" especially the line that goes "Engulfed by you, what can i do when history's my cage? Look forward to a future in the past?"

Tears for Fears Concert setlist

I'm still having a Tears for Fears hangover. Here's a list of the songs they sang that night. Special thanks to Lynna for posting it at Curt Smith's page (http://www.curtsmithofficial.com/)

Mad World
Everybody Wants to Rule the World
Secret World
Closest Thing to Heaven
Sowing the Seeds of Love
Call Me Mellow
Mad World
Memories Fade
Raoul and the King of Spain
Quiet Ones
Floating Down the River
Everybody Loves a Happy Ending
Seven of Sundays
Billie Jean
Pale Shelter
Break it Down Again
Head Over Heels
Woman in Chains
Shout

I'm waiting for my "Greatest Hits" DVD set to be returned.

Something Happened that I’m Head over Heels: The Tears for Fears Concert!

I should have left the house earlier.

This is the thought that kept circling in my head as I inched my way into Araneta Center from P. Tuazon St. It was a bad sign that traffic was this bad this far from the Coliseum. The guards at the entrance of the newly-built SM parking building were already flashing signs that read “Full Parking.” As I drove around Araneta Center looking for a spot to park Ernie—and almost running out of gas in the process—guards everywhere were flashing “Full Parking” signs. All roads seem to lead to the Araneta Coliseum, and all people from my generation seem to have cars! After finally parking at the second level of Ali Mall, I sprinted across the new skyway into SM and crossed the street with the sea of humanity (One guy behind me said it was like being in New York City!) into the Coliseum. After looking for my officemate Marianne, I finally settled in the cheapest seats between Nixon and Marianne. But I had a good feeling all that trouble will be nothing compared to what lay ahead.

Boy, was I right!

The opening act was Sandwich who played one of their songs (that I’m not familiar with) and then their intro for their second song was so familiar, the whole coliseum thundered with cheers: “Just Like Heaven” by the Cure. I’m in a hall with about twenty thousand 80s babies! A similar thing happened when Ely Buendia came out and played “” from their Eraserheads days. Then the rest of Pupil did their front act, to less than spectacular applause.

Then the main event.

The mournful instrumental intro came in as the stage remained in shadow, but the crowd erupted to such tumultuous cheering that I barely heard Curt Smith begin to sing “Mad World” in that melancholic arrangement popularized by Adam Lambert. The whole coliseum was singing along! I was singing along! Heck, it was my all-time favorite song from the 80s! They then followed through with “Everybody Wants to Rule the World.” This will be a night to remember!

The whole concert was just plain awesome! There were, of course, some down times as they sang some of their later, and lesser known, songs. Someone should have briefed Smith and Orzabal that their most popular albums here are the first two: “The Hurting” and “Songs from the Big Chair.” So, yeah, about forty percent of the songs they sang that night received less-than-spectacular applause. But the other sixty percent of songs received such applause that I wouldn’t think the down times affected the whole of the concert.

One thing that stuck in my mind was when Roland Orzabal, reacting to the tremendous reception they received, said, “We’ve been to many countries; we’ve gone around the world a couple of times, even going as far as Scandinavia. Why did it take so long for us to come here?!” Well, Mr. Orzabal, we waited 20+ years for you to hold a concert here, and it was worth the wait. Better late than never!

They sang “Woman in Chains” and they pulled a big surprise: The high-pitched voice part was sung by a white bald guy! And he sounded like a big black woman! Tight underwear maybe?

They sang “Head over Heels” and again it was like a videoke session with twenty thousand plus people singing along. The singing was so loud and so overpowering that Orzabal wasn’t able to sing the last words of the song and he just covered his ears. I can’t describe it. It’s like a whole generation, my generation, was keeping all this suppressed and now it’s time to let it all out! And speaking of letting it out, Tears for Fears capped the concert with—what else?—“Shout!” They weren’t singing the opening lines of “Shout” . . . we were! It was just awesome to watch everybody on their feet, waving their hands and singing! Words fail me in describing this.

I hope they come back. And if they do, I hope they sing more of their old stuff. I echo what the girl sitting behind us was shouting: "Change!" "Mother's Talk" is also something I'd like to hear live!

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